I'm Esther. I have two daughters, both with SEN needs, both completely different from each other — which is the first thing I'd say to any parent who's just been handed a label and is quietly Googling what it means for their child's future.
My younger daughter Phoebe has selective mutism. When I first started to understand what that meant — really understand it, not just "she's shy, she'll come out of her shell" — I did what I suspect a lot of parents do. I went looking for help.
What I found was a system that wasn't built for urgency. NHS waitlists stretching into years. Private specialists either not local, not available, or not affordable. A lot of very good general advice and not much that applied to my specific child, in her specific school, with her specific version of this.
So I got obsessive. I have a sister who is an Educational Psychologist. I have a psychotherapist friend and a SALT colleague who were willing to talk things through with me. I read research papers, UK and US treatment frameworks, lived experience accounts, every book I could find. I stayed up until midnight while working full time because she needed help now, not in three years.
Out of that, I built something: an AI tool trained on everything I'd learned, that I could tell all about Phoebe — her triggers, her context, her version of SM — and get strategies back that were actually relevant to her. I've been using it ever since. My total spend on private SALT: £0.
More importantly — she's thriving. We've gone from no eye contact and zero non-verbal communication at school, to full voice with me in the school building. From too anxious for friends, to playdates and whispered conversations that are turning into something much more. Every milestone, every wall we've hit, back to the tool.
This year I've put my corporate career on hold to be her bridge. I go into school every day. I've committed this whole year to being the trusted person who walks with her up every rung of the talking ladder, because I believe the neural pathways we're building now — the ones that say I can speak here, I do speak here — will serve her for the rest of her life.
That's a real sacrifice. I know not every parent can do exactly what I'm doing. But I also know that even a smaller, more irregular version of this work builds something real. Which is why this site exists.
About this site
Situational Mutism is a parent-to-parent resource. Everything here comes from lived experience, backed by research, written in plain language. It is not clinical advice — for that, you need a professional. But it's the site I wish had existed when we were at the beginning.
The AI tool I built for Phoebe is available to other parents as SM Pocket Coach. If you want strategies specific to your child rather than general information, that's where to go.
This site provides educational information and personal experience only. It is not a substitute for professional medical or therapeutic advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional for clinical concerns.